On Consensus Trance, Essence, and Mislove

This post is just going to be really raw thoughts, haven't had the time to really think about it between staffing, classes, and SBS audition season. There's been a lot on my mind, but I'm kind of delirious, so I'll defer some of it to a later post. Who knows, I might wake up and realize nothing here makes sense.

This quarter, I'm taking a class called Valuescience, and it's been incredible. In particular, one of the readings explored something the author called "consensus trance" and its interplay with "essence." Basically, consensus trance is the form of brainwashing that is more commonly known as enculturation. From a young age, we are conditioned into a particular set of norms by our parents and the rest of the society that surrounds us alike, and most people grow up taking cultural habits for granted when, in reality, there is a huge element of relativity behind most cultural norms. Essence, on the other hand, is the set of values, beliefs, and temperaments inherent to our individual genetic code. To illustrate these distinctions as it pertains to my life, I've drawn up this Venn diagram.

Circle ADEG: Chinese/Taiwanese culture, as exposed to/relevant to me
Circle BDFG: American culture, as exposed to/relevant to me.
Circle CEFG: My essence
Universal region (A-H): All possible values and beliefs in the world

So, some oversimplified examples of things that fall into each region
A: Buddhism, use of physical force for discipline, lack of value in arts or humanities
B: Party culture, masculinity stemming from physical aptitude, "American dream" and individualism
C: Hopeless romanticism, harmony and altruism over economic self-interest
D: Recognition of engineering, medicine, law, etc. as valuable career areas
E: Speaking Chinese, emphasis on academic achievement
F: Recognition of humanities and arts as valuable career areas
G: Compassion, respect towards parents, care for family
H: Cannibalism, belief in Allah

In an ideal world of perfect cultural sensitivity and understanding, all cultures would completely overlap such that regions A, B, E, F are empty for any two cultures (complete circles). There might still be universally agreed upon wrongs (i.e. region H, e.g. unprovoked murder), but anything that one culture deems valuable every other culture would accept (i.e. region D and G is all-encompassing besides H) Within this ideal world, your essence would be a subset of that all-encompassing region (i.e. region C is empty).

Obviously, the world is not ideal. The challenge, therefore, is to find a culture or subculture that has the greatest overlap with your essence, and then move to and live in that culture. Doing so is contingent upon having an understanding of what your essence is, and that is remarkably difficult because of the consensus trance. It is hard to distinguish between what is of your essence, and what has merely been instilled in you and taught to you as valuable.

I think that is the answer to what it means to be emotionally mature, a question I struggled with in my previous post. Being emotionally mature entails consciously knowing what your essence is, and escaping the consensus trance that society sets you up to fall into (and to no fault of society and without malicious intent, because consensus trance is something that propagates through generations). Similarly, building effective relationships with other people is contingent upon understanding their essence, and being able to divorce the influences of their essence and their enculturation when thinking about their behavior and empathizing. And while I don't think it is ever possible to fully get clarity on any one person's essence, including your own, I do believe some people are closer than others.

Unfortunately, in many ways--as a friend or RA, as a once lover, as a son--I am realizing I am perpetually fighting the consensus trance. Mislove occurs when one individual tries to enculturate (used loosely, could be something as innocuous and unintentional as a microexpression frown of disapproval or a slight change in tone of voice) someone else without fully understanding their essence because of prejudices established by the consensus trance. Usually, this happens without bad intention; the individual was only acting on what he or she had in turn been enculturated as "right" or "good." I am guilty of having misloved E-, N-, A-, both of my parents, and I'm sure many others that don't come to mind immediately. Similarly, I've been on the receiving end of mislove as well. It's inevitable.

Some people will never develop a deep enough understanding of their own essence and, more importantly, others' essence to build the relationship that "could have been." The tragedy of this entire thing is that there are potential relationships (between almost lovers, between family members, between nations) that would be downright magical if both sides understood each other's essences, but it never gets to that point, and so that potential relationship never reaches fruition. You can only ever work on escaping the consensus trance and improving your own understanding of your essence and their essence, put that understanding in the open and hope, pray that the other side reaches the same understanding. Sometimes they don't, and what could have been never becomes what is.

I cried.

You're going to get goosebumps watching this.

K 1

It's not that she didn't look good. Even as tear after tear rolled down her face, painted with grief, she was stunning. It's not that guys didn't admire her. Even as she wallowed in self-pity, depressed over her loss, people saw a fun and bright personality. No, she chose to be alone.

Two days ago marked an anniversary, not one of celebration and joy, but one of mourning and despair. It has been three hundred and sixty seven days since she lost her fiancée--lost her fiancée not to disease or misfortune, but to a psychological agony that resulted in suicide.

~~~

It was a dark night, and in running errands for his manager, he had stayed late at work, not leaving the office until ten o'clock. He wasn't the only one; there were five others in the office, all working overtime to complete a project for the client. In the frantic chaos that possessed him and his coworkers as the deadline approached, he had forgotten to tell his fiancée that he would be late getting home. She must be worried sick.

Thus preoccupied by guilt, he mindlessly kept his foot on the pedal. Five, ten, fifteen over the speed limit. The car accelerated, as did his heartbeat. At that hour, there were almost no cars still on the freeway. The only other car was in the distance, its break lights completing an eerie red grin that winked mockingly when the car shifted lanes. I must stay awake. I must get home safely, embrace her loving arms and wipe from her face the worried, anxious expression she is undoubtedly wearing as she awaits my return.

Thud. The airbag came out, muffling his voice as he yelled obscenities. He quickly came to a stop along the shoulder; the eerie grin faded into the night. Opening the door, his thoughts were arrested. Sprawled across the two right-most lanes was a young man in a black sweatshirt, not much older than himself, perhaps in the late twenties. His music player had flown out of his hand and was now lying on the shoulder of the freeway, next to his front left tire. He picked it up; the now-cracked display showed "Hawthorne Heights - Disaster."

He dialed 911. He returned the music player to the pocket of the man, face down and motionless on the concrete. The ambulance arrived. He left his contact information, and continued home.

~~~

Where were you? Where have you been? Why do your features convey an inexplicable worry, and why do you not speak of them to me? These thoughts flitted across her mind, but she chose not to pursue them. Instead, she held her fiancée. He was dripping wet after walking in the rain a quarter of a block to and from the mailboxes for the apartment complex. Whether his periodic shivers were from the cold or from a deeper trouble, she could not tell. She knew it was not the right time to ask. She knew that he would tell her when it was suitable. She knew that he needed her now more than ever, and she knew she was ready to spend an eternity holding him if need be.

......