Mom's Birthday Today

I am so ashamed of myself. Today was my mom's birthday. I remembered it yesterday, but today it wasn't until I was writing the date on the notes I was taking in math section that I remembered it again. I set an alarm for myself to remind myself to write an email to my mom wishing her a happy birthday.

An email?! M- fucking flew back home to surprise his mom on her birthday. Granted, he lives in California, but an email. What the hell is wrong with me?

I ended up calling my mom (go me), deciding that an email totally does not do my mom justice. I was deathly afraid of having a conversation with her, because what could I talk about? She didn't know anything about the classes I'm taking, the clubs I'm in, the job I got, or most of the people I interact with. I don't know how anything about how life back in Washington is. Sure I can hold my own against professors or employers, but not my mom. It was the first time I've called her this quarter, and the third time since coming to Stanford.

She picked up before the first dial tone was over.

I wished her a happy birthday. She said thanks and asked how school is. I told her it was midterm season. She told me to stay healthy and not be too worried about school. Meanwhile, she's leaving for Washington D.C. to report on some event. Since we were on the topic of job stuff, I told her about the FPS job I had gotten more than four months ago. She very defensively insisted that I do not take on a job until summer because she wants me not to have so much to worry about, and said that even if I don't get a job they'll still find a way to pay for my tuition. I told her not to worry, and then asked her how the divorce stuff was coming along. She said the only thing that's left in the paperwork is splitting up the debt my parents borrowed from my paternal grandparents when we were buying our house. All the assets they owned has already been split. She's already signed a contract for renting out a 2-bedroom apartment (for when my sister comes home) and is moving out by February 15th, and that they've already signed another contract to rent out our home and furniture to another family, and that they'll be moving in March 1st. She told me if there's anything I need to spend money on, I shouldn't be afraid to do so because she will send me more money if I need it, even if my dad refuses to. She said that I should resign immediately from my job if balancing that with academics is too much, and if I'm struggling with academics I shouldn't worry because health comes first, and even if I lose some of the merit scholarships I'm on she'll find some way to make up for it.

But let's be honest here. I've looked at the prices of apartments in the Bellevue/Renton/Redmond area, and I also know my mom's salary. There is no way in hell she'll be able to make ends meet with her salary alone, and her alimony provisions won't last forever. I, her son that was actually seriously considering to just send a fucking email for her birthday, do not deserve to be spoiled like this. I absolutely need to find a job (beyond the FPS one) ASAP. Especially with the house rental now frighteningly real, the urgency is greater than ever.

At any rate, I'm glad I ended up calling her today. Didn't know she was getting on a plane tomorrow, what if something happened? Before today, the last words I said to her was an email telling her to stop forwarding emails from the Selective Service because she thought they were scholarships.